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I never should have left my hovel today. You know that funny tingly feeling you get when pondering a decision…the itchy, crawly feeling that the decision is going to profoundly affect the rest of your life…well, trust me…spend more time thinking about it than it takes to suck down your morning gruel. And don’t ever forget to check the expiry date on your prosthetic adhesive. When that stuff goes, it really goes.
It’s just my luck really. Yesterday, I would never have believed I could end up such a complete laughing stock today. Everything was going so well. I was the ugliest, most filthy, vile old hag this village had ever seen. One of the peasants told me so last week. Obviously, their previous crone had no work ethic. Would you believe she only had one crook in her nose? I have three. Quite an accomplishment I think.
There’s a fine line between a sinister, imposingly crooked nose and a nose that looks like it might have accidentally gotten slammed in a door. When the peasants see my nose coming around a corner, they quake right down to their very souls. I’ve heard them say it feels like it’s hunting them; following their every move; aiming ominously at them; thrusti... (continue)
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